From the dusty notebook #6: I’d rather be a ‘just another’ than your ‘every now and then’

February 5, 2012

I don’t want to be special. I want you to treat me the way you treat everyone else, because in the end, that is all that I will ever be to you.

If there is one thing I dislike about someone making me feel special, it’s how shitty I feel when that person suddenly decides to  leave me hanging. I willingly accept and embrace the fact that 99.99% of the human population will see me as ordinary, as “just another.” That’s fine. Life is still good.

But when someone comes along and presents himself as one of the 0.01% and then abruptly changes his mind just when I’m starting to believe him, well, that is not fine. Life is still good, yeah, but come on, it’s kind of a downer and an embarrassment to go through something like that. Especially when I let it happen more than once. And with the same person. I know. Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice/thrice/to infinity and beyond, right?

The good thing about being a fool, though, is having the fact that I didn’t know as much as I thought I did shoved so right up in my face that I couldn’t deny it anymore. When that happens, when you realize just how much of a fool you are, there’s nothing left to do but learn and grow up.

I realized then that it’s when people think they know everything, that they don’t know enough. It’s when people think they’re wise, that they become fools.

So yes, you fooled me. And yes, I fooled me too. Now, I’m over it. Save the special treatment for someone who you actually think is special, not someone who you think is a convenient and, because we’re talking about me, thoroughly entertaining spare time. Trust me, contrary to what you might think, I’ll be able to live with being just another girl to you. I’d choose that over being your girl every now and then whenever you feel like it.

You may not be part of the 0.01%, but that’s fine because the few who are and the few who will be more than make up for the 99.99%. To them, I am extraordinary and, most of all, loved. Genuinely. 

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One thought on “From the dusty notebook #6: I’d rather be a ‘just another’ than your ‘every now and then’

  1. caroline1t November 28, 2012 / 6:16 pm

    I can relate. You just wrote what I’ve thought many a time.

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