Obviously, I haven’t written anything these past couple of days. I haven’t even bothered to open my account.
I’ve just been feeling really down these past few weeks. Unlike a lot of people, I don’t feel the need and the desire to write more when I’m not feeling too well. I usually just stare at something and think. And pray.
I was driving home from work yesterday when I realized I wasn’t happy which is quite a major thing for me. You know how when you stop at an intersection and glance at the car beside you, and you see that the person behind the wheel is singing and making these weird dance-gesture things with her hands and shoulders? That’s me. The driver’s seat has always been one of my happy places. I’ve never understood people who are always in a hurry when they drive. I’m automatically happy once I get in the car; I think traffic is the perfect opportunity to listen to more songs on my playlist. But last night, I was definitely not feeling the happy. I think that’s when it dawned on me how the past few weeks have really taken its toll on me.
I can’t really explain the why of it though. I mean, I kind of know why but at the same time, I kind of don’t. This all feels foreign to me which I find funny because it also made me realize that I haven’t been unhappy or sad in a very long time, with the exception of my best friend’s ordeal – she’s doing so much better now, by the way. I’m not depressed or dissatisfied or lonely. I’m just, well, down. But not out. I’m never out.
So what was the whole point of this again? I’m not really sure. Honestly, I think it’s just me not wanting a whole week to pass by without saying anything here because this is also my happy place.
Last note, I find it a little odd when a person apologizes for not posting anything on their blogs for a long time. No offense to the people who do. I tried starting this entry with that but I couldn’t type it out without my left eyebrow shooting up. To apologize for not posting anything, to me, seems like I actually think people are expecting me to post something on a regular basis. And that would be even more odd.
So this isn’t an apology. This is just me saying, “Here I am!”