They mean the same thing, I know. But I still prefer to use the latter since it sounds prettier. The word quit sounds something like a quitter would do, and the word quitter isn’t something I’d use to describe myself.
But I guess if I’m being totally honest with you and, more importantly, with myself, that’s basically what I did – quit.
After less than two months of working at this big events agency, I decided to resign. Or rather, I resigned. My final day as an employee was last Saturday. I passed my resignation letter weeks ago but I decided to write about my decision after I left because I wanted to see if my thoughts and feelings that ultimately led me to resigning are still as strong now as they were before. They still are.
I know my decision to resign seems idiotic and immature. One and a half months is extremely short. And, frankly, pathetic. My previous internship lasted longer than that. And what I did seems a lot like something a spoiled fresh-out-of-college kid would do – get a job, try it out for awhile then quit at the first sign of difficulty. I understand that. I cringe every time the thought of how awfully short my employment term was comes to my mind. When I started looking for work months before graduating, I promised myself that I wouldn’t be the kind of person who goes through jobs the same way a teenage girl tries on different clothes at a department store, and yet what happened resembles the first step of that dreadful cycle.
I am sure, though, that the similarities end there.
There’s a couple of reasons behind my decision – the most important one being my family. I probably haven’t stressed enough how my family makes up my heart, but they really do. At the end of the day, it’s always always family. So if my parents voice out their concerns about my work, then that, to me, is a big deal. I’ve disobeyed my parents enough, okay maybe far too many times, to know for sure that their judgment is always with good reason. And with my job requiring me to work on the weekends, I had to miss time with my family and I also had to skip church on Sundays. Never in my life had I considered the idea that I would actually miss attending church and teaching Sunday school, but I did.
I was also – and this is my first time admitting this “out loud” – generally unhappy. I was always feeling unusually down in the last two months without knowing why and it wasn’t until I was in the middle of writing this post that I realized what the main reason was. Sure, there were moments when I was really happy and satisfied with my work but those moments were rare and, to be honest, weren’t worth the long hours of feeling exhausted, drained and, worse, nothing. For a time there, I literally had a hard time feeling anything but fatigue. That might not sound so bad to some but to me, that was alarming. I couldn’t bear feeling like I was a robot, just mechanically going through the motions. I look at the people sitting beside me and for some, that’s what they already are and for others, they’re on their way there.
I went into this knowing that the cut-throat world of the events industry wasn’t something that fit my character and personality. I am extremely easygoing, I’m never in a hurry and I tend to stay away from negative vibes. My field of work was full of loud and aggressive people who tended to take advantage of being able to boss people around. There were so many instances of people backstabbing each other. There was a lot of shouting, screaming and, really, just a whole lot of insincerity. I never regretted taking the job – and I still don’t. But somewhere along the way I realized how much I didn’t fit in… and how much I would have to drastically change myself if I wanted to fit in. And I didn’t want to. I was afraid that it was one of those things where either you change it or it changes you. And I didn’t want to change – at least not in the way I was expected to.
But in the end, no matter how significant these reasons are, I would never have had the courage to resign if it weren’t for the realization that I’ve been blessed with a fortunate life that has, in a way, left me with no other option (at least, in my mind) than to do what was right – which is what I did. I am aware that leaving a job after such a short period of time doesn’t look good on a resume and I also know that with the economy not doing so well, it’s stupid to quit a job when it’s already so hard to find one. It’s because of these things that I feel tremendously grateful for being able to afford to resign.
You see, my dad owns a small advertising agency and my mom owns a small private nursery school. After I graduated, they each offered me the opportunity to work for them which I turned down, and it wasn’t because I was rebelling or rejecting the idea of helping the family. It’s just that I know some people who went straight to their family’s business and they either became too arrogant or too lazy. I also hated the idea of getting a job all because I was the boss’ daughter. So I promised myself early on that I’d experience working at the bottom of the corporate ladder first before anything else. But then a couple of weeks ago, two of my mom’s teachers left and she couldn’t find any replacement. My dad’s advertising agency, on the other hand, isn’t doing too well, and that they needed someone who could establish a good relationship with new clients. All this I was made aware of the day after I said my first prayer about my worries with work and I just knew right away that I was being given, to me, what was the most convincing reason to leave the job that was slowly eating me alive and, at the same time, the opportunity to help my parents.
And that’s what I’m currently doing. I’ve been teaching at my mom’s school for a week now from 8 a.m. – 3 p.m. It surprises me how I come home each day in high spirits even if this isn’t something I’m completely passionate about. In the near future, I will be working at my dad’s advertising agency after school hours. I’ve committed to do this for a year, after which I plan to use the money I’ve earned to apply for that internship/volunteer program I’ve been wanting for so long.
So yeah, to sum up the past two months, it was brief but overwhelming. I didn’t love the job, but I definitely loved the experience. You know you’ve learned a lot when the man who first called you boring, now tells you you’re talented.
So ends another chapter in my life. Truly grateful for the experience; optimistic about the future.