This is where I find myself in at the moment.
It’s like a room that looks too big but then suddenly feels too small when you walk into it. Or is it the other way around? I’m not entirely sure.
I always end up here whenever I’m confronted with the unshakable truth that I will never fully understand how this Life with a capital L works. It would be nice if this whole living thing came with a handbook or something. Personally, I’d like to see a chapter on why your best friend’s life seems to suck and yours clearly doesn’t. Or why the most delicious foods are the unhealthiest and the healthy ones taste like sand or dirt. Or what you’re supposed to do when you’re extremely good at something you hate doing. Or why people kill a whole lot of other people when they’re really just mad at one person.
But I hope you don’t mistake my words for pessimism.
Between my deep thoughts and heavy heart, there is hope. I’m not quite sure what I’m hoping for yet – to understand? To accept? To be able to change it? All I know is I’ve experienced enough senseless things to know that senseless things eventually make a whole lot of sense when there is patience, perseverance and faith.
And as my head begins to ache from all the contemplation brought about by I don’t even know what anymore, I figure that maybe we’re not supposed to rationalize life as much as we’re supposed to, you know, live it.