It’s not a good day.
I feel like I’m in high school all over again, and no, that’s not a good thing. While I never hated high school, I didn’t love it either. I wasn’t miserable or depressed but I was always aware that my name was constantly being whispered around, that there were people who’d smile to my face but would glare once I turned my back. I just never really let any of it get to me since I was also surrounded with people who loved and supported me.
Now though, I find it extremely exhausting. I’m torn between wanting to defend myself from this stranger’s nasty accusations that hold no truth whatsoever and forcing myself to simply shrug, utter an apathetic “Screw it,” and let it go.
I don’t have the energy to discuss this full blowout of a drama in detail because just thinking about it literally feels like a hundred pounds on my shoulders. Basically, the mother of one of my students has been questioning my capability to teach, complaining that I talked to her disrespectfully and accusing me of discriminating on her son.
She questions my capability to teach because, unlike the other students (who I also handle), her son still has trouble writing. She says I disrespected her because when she asked me why her son has trouble writing, I said he might be having problems with his motor skills. She accuses me of discriminating on her son because I suggested that he may need occupational therapy because it isn’t just his writing that he has trouble with but also his overall movements from walking to running.
Initially, she didn’t listen to my suggestion which was fine with me. But apparently when she enrolled her son in a writing class, the teacher there also told her he needed occupational therapy. Since then, her son’s been undergoing therapy twice a week for about four weeks now.
But for some reason, she’s pissed at me. Which I’m fine with. Except for the fact that she never told me. Except for the fact that every time she’d see me, she’d approach me and talk to me. Except for the fact that she would always smile at me.
Just to make things clear, I have never treated her son any differently from the other kids. I’m being completely truthful when I say that I love that kid. He’s adorable and sweet and just really really cute. She says I think her son is “abnormal” – her words, not mine. I’m sorry but that’s just bullshit. I have a cousin who has Down Syndrome, another who has ADHD and yet another who has ADD and I’ve never ever thought of them as abnormal. All the while she’s the one who’s been joking about her son being autistic and different. And now that she’s faced with the possibility of that being true, she points her finger at me when I’m not looking.
I’m a big girl. I can handle criticism, and with effort, I can even handle those that I feel are undeserved. I don’t need to be liked by everybody and I’m sure as hell don’t need everyone’s approval. But I think that at the very least, I deserve some honesty. I deserve to hear the criticism being thrown at me directly from my critics and not from people who heard it from other people.
Oh, Lord. Give me patience. And grace. Lots and lots of grace.