It was only a year ago when my best friend looked me in the eyes and told me that she tried to end her own life. Today, she’s celebrating another year.
There’s no magical fairy tale story here. Only a very real one.
Life still hasn’t turned out the way she hoped it would. She still has trouble getting along with her family, though there has been progress. While she made the difficult decision to move back in her family’s house, she has always made it clear that the only reason why she’s staying is because of her sister. Her parents’ relationship is just all over the place. Her relationship with her boyfriend has been a bit rocky lately. She quit her job a couple of weeks ago, and now she’s unsure about what her next step will be. Her life is still complicated; it becomes okay one moment and then it turns agonizing in the next.
But here she is, blowing out a candle on a chocolate cake. And you know what the best part is? She’s smiling.
She’s smiling because she feels loved. Unlike a year ago when all she felt was drowning pain and loneliness, she’s finally able to let the good things in her delicate heart. A year ago, she would’ve said allowing good things in would be setting herself up for even more pain and frustration. Now, she might still say the same thing, but she’d also say she’s willing to give it a shot. You see, she still thinks her life sucks. But at least now, she prefers to live and do something about it than just quit and end it like that.
I remember a few months ago, she told me that she felt like she was drifting in the middle of the ocean. Every direction she looked, she’d see nothing but water. I told her that it was okay to be drifting and to not know where you’re going as long as you don’t allow yourself to sink. After a long pause, she said, “No, I’m not going to let myself sink… Don’t let me sink.”
There is something I hope people take away from her story, especially the ones who are going through some hard times. Even though it still hasn’t gotten any better, life is still worth it. Life is always worth it. It’s why God blessed us with it in the first place. You may not know exactly why right at this very moment, but you will. I don’t know when, but you will. She still doesn’t know why, but she knows she will eventually. And when she does, it’ll be beautiful.
So live. If you find that living for yourself doesn’t seem all that appealing anymore, then live for the moment when life reveals itself to you. If you’re having trouble putting your faith in God, then put your faith in that.