It happened three years ago, a couple of months after we broke up. I remember it so clearly because I was so sure of what I was saying. Our conversation that night was one of the most honest conversations I’ve ever had with him because, although we weren’t together anymore, we were at that phase where we still acted like we were, so saying what I said felt like a pretty bold, albeit weird, thing to do.
I was walking with him to my car. It was eight in the evening and I just finished my last class for the day. I’d been thinking about telling him this for quite some time already but I never had the chance. That night, she somehow popped into our conversation and I finally had the opening I was waiting for. So before we reached the car, I turned to him and said, “You know, you’re going to end up with her someday.”
I’ve thought about her many times before that night. She was a really close friend of his and while she never became a close friend of mine, she was someone I liked a lot. Whenever they were together, they were happy and genuine. There were no pretenses, no fake laughter at an unfunny joke. Everyone could see how great friends they were. And then eventually I came to see how even better they would be as a couple. And what I saw was definitely better than what we ever had.
To be honest, that realization was more reassuring than I could ever admit to him. Up until that point, I was constantly exhausting my brain and heart with questions I probably knew the answer to but never could confess. What are we exactly? What are we doing? Is what I have with you right or just convenient? So when I was finally faced with the answer, it was more of a relief than anything else. It’s nice to be given a clear answer – even if that answer doesn’t seem to work in your favor. At a point where all I’m surrounded with are maybes, what ifs and I don’t knows, it felt nice to be given a definitive NO.
So when I told him he was going to end up with someone else while we were still, I don’t know, whatever we were back then, I didn’t say it to be reassured or coddled. I said it out loud for myself. I said it to pave the way for an end… an end for him and me – which was something I think I needed more than he did.
He dismissed what I said, of course. He said it would never happen. I asked him why, thinking (or was it hoping? I’m not so sure anymore) that maybe I was the reason, that his feelings for me would never go away. I don’t really know what I wanted his answer to be, what I do know is that I heard what I needed to hear. He said it would never happen because he would never want to jeopardize his friendship with her. She had never been in a relationship and so he didn’t want to be the first one to hurt her.
I knew then that I was right. It took three years, but I was right.
Last week, I was browsing through my Instagram feed when I saw a photo of the two of them with a heart and one of those smiley kisses for its caption. And you know what my reaction was? I was happy. Honestly. Although I don’t really know which one made me happier – the new couple or the fact that my prediction had come true. It’s probably the latter.
And I guess I’m also proud of myself. I’ve always wondered how I would feel when he’d find someone new. I kept telling the people who would ask that I wouldn’t be affected at all if he found someone else because I honestly believed I wouldn’t, but in truth, I was secretly afraid that, when the time would come, I’d only prove myself a liar. I wasn’t afraid of feeling bitter or jealous. No, that was never the case. But I was absolutely terrified of finding out that he had found someone and then being consumed with one devastating question, Why haven’t I found mine first? I think a lot of times that’s how people usually feel when ex-lovers find new lovers. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want his newfound happiness to ignite a petty insecurity in me.
And it didn’t. I was just happy.
Mostly for me. It’s a good feeling, fate proving you were right all along.