For my little sister, Karen.

An hour ago, I saw you cry. You were sitting right in front of me as you cried because of me, because you cried for me.

You said it was so unfair that I’m unhappy where I am and that I couldn’t do anything about it because of reasons that will stay between just the two of us. You said I wasn’t being treated the way I’m supposed to be treated, that I deserve more than what I’m being given, and that I’m too damn nice to say anything about it.

So you cried. You were hurting for me. You were angry for me.

And then I hugged you, and you hugged me back.

I wanted to tell you this, but I couldn’t find the courage to do so. So I’m writing it here.

I’m sorry. I’m so incredibly sorry.

I’m sorry for choosing to accept the circumstances I’m in. I’m sorry for failing to be the sister who teaches you, by example, to go after your dreams and to fight for what you want.I’m sorry for making you fear the idea of becoming like me when your time to make a decision comes.

Someday, you’ll realize – no matter how much I don’t want you to – that all the fight and determination I’m not exerting now, I’m saving up for you.

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